


Neal Caffrey's Guide to Pickpocketing

by 00qverlord



Series: The universe of Neal Caffrey [2]
Category: James Bond (Movies), White Collar
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Thieves, Alternate Universe - Timeline Alteration, Backstory, Gen, Guns, Motel 6 is awesome, Pickpocketing, Zach is like another brother, description of death, theiving, this is better than it sounds i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6792292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00qverlord/pseuds/00qverlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Kwynten Caffrey became Q, he was on the opposite side of the law.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neal Caffrey's Guide to Pickpocketing

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this took me a long time to write. But it was incredibly fun, so... Anyway, AU for backstory and timeline. This is a series I started purely because it's incredibly fun to write about Nick and Neal, but somehow poor Q got thrown into this mess too.

Before Kwynten Caffrey became Q, he was on the opposite side of the law. Kwyn had only heard the stories that Neal had told him. Neal was 2 when James Bennett was arrested and killed, and Kwyn hadn't even been born yet. Neal would tell Kwyn that his daddy was a hero, and he went down at gunpoint, taking a bunch of bad guys with him. But as Neal grew older, he dropped his dream of being a cop, and when Kwyn asked him to tell him about dad again, the sparkle in his eyes would become less and less prominent.

Their mother barely had enough to support the two boys. So Neal learned to take care of them himself. Kwyn was often left alone after coming home from school, and Neal got back after Kwyn had long finished his homework and was waiting for him at the library. He couldn't go back to the apartment, because only Neal and his mom had keys, and his mother worked long hours to support them, and she got home long after Kywnten had fallen asleep. He only saw her in the mornings when she was going out the door. She kissed both Kwyn and Neal on the head, and then went out the door with 2 bags and a cup of coffee. When Kwynten was 9 and Neal was 11, he started to be curious where his brother went every afternoon. Neal had fiercely protested that he come with, so Kwyn let the matter rest for a couple months. Then one day, on the walk home from the library, Neal told Kwynten that they weren't getting anything fancy for dinner tonight. Fancy, for them, consisted of Kraft dinner, and maybe cookies from the corner shop if they were lucky. This meant it would be a small bowl of Cheerios from the cupboard that were probably well past their expiry date, but they hadn't finished it yet, so they didn't recycle the box.  
Kwynten replied, "Why can't we?"  
Neal told him it wasn't something he wanted to talk about on the street. So Kwyn repeated the question when they arrived back at the apartment. They sat down, facing each other on the old flower-patterned sofa, and Neal wrung his hands. When he did that, Kwyn knew it was something serious and not to make jokes about things like he usually did.  
So Neal explained. He explained what had really happened to their father, that he was a scoundrel, a cheat and a murderer. It didn't draw the same reaction out of Kwynten, so when he saw his brother start to tear up even just by talking talking about it, Kwyn didn't hesitate to launch himself at Neal and attach himself to Neal and squeeze until he felt his brother's hesitant hug in return. It was a couple more minutes before Neal could continue.  
"So I pickpocket people so we can have Mac and Cheese, Kwyn-"  
"What's pickpocket?"  
"It means I take people's wallets and I use the money in them."  
Kwyn was wide-eyed, "You take people's money? That's-"  
"Illegal, I know," Neal looked at the shoddy carpet, not being able to meet Kwyn's eyes, "but it's necessary. Some people have too much money, and then there's people like us, who don't have enough money. Have you ever heard the story of Robin Hood?"  
"Yeah, I read it at the library, there was a book club one afternoon and I wanted to see what it was about. They were my age, but I think I can read better than them. Are you like Robin Hood?"  
"Yeah, that's what I'm like." Neal grinned at Kwyn and mussed up his messy black hair. Kwyn's next question made Neal freeze.  
"Can I help? I like Robin Hood and if it means we can have more Mac and Cheese, I could help you!"  
Neal voiced his displeasure, but Kwyn didn't want to be the only one who wasn't doing anything to help his family. That, Neal immediately stood up to. He told Kwyn that he was doing things for his family. He was studying, he was getting himself an education. Neal would never go to college, but Kwynten would. If it would be the last thing Neal would ever do, he would send his little brother to college.

The next day, it was almost the last thing he never did. His mother came home late at night, and woke up both boys, taking them out of bed, and telling them to pack up whatever they wanted, as long as it was in 10 minutes. They grabbed their backpacks, Neal dumped all his school books and started loading clothes, food and water, and he told Kwynten to pack anything personal. Neal handed him a ratty old black wallet, his first successful pickpocket, and Kwyn, still tired and confused, put it in the front pocket. He dumped out all his school books as well, but he loaded it with trinkets that the two had collected over the years: The Forever War by Joe Haldeman (Kwyn couldn't read it, but Neal read it to him sometimes), an old coin collection of odd coins, when Neal added anymore loose change he could find in between the cracks of the old place, and the crystal vial necklace from a shop a couple years ago. Kwyn put it on. Neal got it for him with the scraps of money they had. It wasn't expensive or authentic, but it $5 at the dollar store and Kwyn had been staring at it when they went into town. He filled up the rest of the space with his own clothes and as much water and food as he could find that was left and wasn't packed. Their mother came into the room and told them it was time to go. Neal grabbed his brother's hand and dragged him along. Their mom told Neal to leave his key on the table, and both of them did.

Their walking was faster than Kwynten would have liked. Neal said it wasn't good to run at night where they lived. It made it seem like you were running from something, and if you looked like that, you may as well be running from something. His short legs were moving as fast as they could to keep up with the large strides of the other two. They didn't make it to the bus stop. There wouldn't have been any busses running at 3 O'clock in the morning anyway, but is was a place to start. Men came from all around them, out of the shadows it seems. They were backed into a dead end alley, and Kwynten couldn't sense anything outside of the blood rushing to his head, and the steady grip of his brother's hand. Kwynten was frozen, and Neal had to drag him backwards. Their mom stood in front of them, as if she was not going to let a single soul touch them. Her boys, her precious boys whom she worked so hard to protect and now it was all for nothing. Kwynten barely registered the dialog between his family,  
"Is this about dad?"  
"Yes Neal, this is about dad. I'm sorry sweetie, I'm so sorry."  
"It's OK ma. You don't have anything to be sorry for."  
The other men flanked a tall, buff guy who bordered on biker. Looks like daddy didn't take down those bad guys after all, and now they're back. The man pulled a gun, and aimed it steadily at the brothers' mom.  
"Any last words?" His voice was rough and scratchy, like it hadn't been used in a long time. He towered over their mom. She turned back to them, and kissed them both on the head.  
"I'm so sorry. I love you so much." She kept repeating it and as she walked forwards toward the gunman, Neal made a move after her, but she held out a hand and told them to stay back, because if he took her, maybe he wouldn't hurt them. Kwyn's vision went black and his hearing was muffled and it took him a second to realize Neal was shielding him. He heard the gun go off and Neal screamed. Or he screamed, he wasn't sure. Someone should answer that dang telephone already, why does it keep going off? He didn't see his mother go down. And he wasn't sure how long they stayed there for, but when the sun came up Neal released Kwynten.  
"Don't open your eyes yet Kwyn."  
So Kwynten didn't open them, but Neal held his hand and they started walking. They stopped for a second, and then started walking again. They seemed to walk forever before Neal said it was OK for Kwyn to look again. The light was startling, and it made Kwyn want to close his eyes again, but he forced them to stay open.  
"Kwyn, buddy, we have to move. People are going to start showing up, and when they find us here, they're going to take us somewhere we don't want to go."  
Everything was in slow motion. The sounds of the city waking up lagged a few seconds behind, and his brain didn't comprehend everything he saw. He barely registered what Neal had said, but managed to nod anyway. Neal lead him through the streets, and they came across a suitable bus terminal far enough away that Neal was less uncomfortable, and Kwyn's feet started to hurt. They sat down and pulled out a couple of dollars change, and they sat together in the morning light, waiting for the bus.

There was no one else on the bus when it arrived, so Neal paid the fare for both of them, and they took seats at the very back.  
"How do you feel about Manhattan?"  
Neal's question jarred Kwynten a little bit. He had never been anywhere outside New Jersey, and the prospect was a little terrifying. Kwynten shrugged his shoulders and looked at the pavement. Manhattan would be alright, if they could keep doing what they're doing, he asked. Neal said it was an even better place to be for that, so Kwynten agreed.  
The bus went for 2 and half hours, changing bus routes multiple times. Neither boys met eyes with the bus driver as they picked up their bags and stepped off the bus. Even though they were young, the other passengers had stayed away from them and their dirty, worn down clothes and scraggy backpacks. Kwynten's overly messy hair only made the homelessness image look worse. And, it wasn't entirely inaccurate. By all definition, the boys were homeless, but Kwyn didn't like the word, so he didn't use it. They found an alley, which was still grey even though it was bright and sunny on the outside.  
Neal allowed both the boys to break down now. They sat down against cold brick, and they cried into each other's arms. Kwyn knew this would be one of the only times he would ever see his brother this upset. So when he was done, he allowed Neal the peace to do so himself. Things were changing, Kwyn could feel it.

They didn't have enough money to rent a motel room, never mind a hotel. That might change, but not now. They had to stake a base, somewhere they would always come back to. They ended up deciding the alleyway where they both got off the bus, because both of them knew where it was, and was able to get back to it with ease if they didn't stray too far. Because as much as Kwyn loved the new sights and smells of Manhattan, the roads were very confusing.  
Neal started teaching Kwynten all the tricks of the trade for pickpocketing in New Jersey, because he said Kwyn needed to take over that part, because he was going to try something more dangerous, and if he didn't come back one day, he needed to know that Kwyn would be able to fend for himself.  
"Don't say that, you always come back!"  
"But one day Kwyn, I might not. I need you to be prepared."  
"You always do though, you always do!"  
Neal sighed and rubbed Kwyn's head, "Yeah buddy, I always do."  
The first thing he taught Kwyn was to never ever pretend like he had a gun. Guns were dangerous, guns hurt people. If someone thought you had a gun, they would call the police on you. Guns where what took mommy away.  
"Why didn't someone call the police then?"  
Neal looked at the ground instead of at Kwynten, "because no one cared enough. It's a dangerous world out there, Kwyn."  
The second thing he taught him, is never do the distraction method without Neal. It required more that one person to pull of. Kwyn would be the one to knock the drink on the man by accident. They were on a bridge at the time, and Neal had bought him a small soda just for this. He was running with it, and spotted a man in a suit, who looked like he could have money on him. He headed for him, and at the right moment, smacked into him and spilled the drink all over the man's suit. The man was shocked for a second, before a frown spread on his face. Before anything could happen though, Neal came over with serviettes from a nearby concession stand.  
"I'm so sorry about my little brother sir, he's so clumsy and careless. I'm sorry sir."  
Kwynten knew his brother didn't mean those things, he said he would say them for effect at the beginning, but Kwyn still felt a twinge. He would talk to Neal about it later. Currently, he grabbed some serviettes from Neal's pile and helped clean him up, swiping his wallet with him and slipping it in his hoodie pocket. They finished, Neal told him he was sorry again and they wished him on his way. They ran down their street and ran back to the alley. He pulled out the wallet, threw away the licence and credit cards, and took out the $15 dollars cash. It was a score for tonight, and they slept in a motel room.  
The method Kwyn could do on his own was the bumping method. He taught Kwynten to look for someone who was distracted, then bump into them and check their back pockets for a wallet. If he found one, grab it, apologize and move on. If it was in a different pocket, don't try and find it. Kwyn wasn't good enough for that yet, start out simple. Neal had learned this one straight off of the television screen in the window of that electronics shop. He had hung around Zach's Electronics Repair enough times that the store clerk -Zach, evidently- started letting him come in regularly just to watch the TV. He had said that Neal and his brother were welcome in his store any time. That's how Kwyn met Zach the first time, when he came home from the library with Neal, and instead of going back to the alley, they went to Zach's. He greeted Neal on the way in, and told Neal he had a better television in the back if he wanted to use it. Neal grinned and went on, but Kwyn stayed in the front, because Zach was looking at him.  
"Hey, you must be the Kwyn that Neal's always talking about."  
"Yessir, that's me. What are you doing?"  
Zach glanced down at the metal box in his hands, gears and wires sticking out a panel in the back, "Im fixing a radio."  
Kwyn's eyes lit up, he had read about radios in a book once, "Can you teach me how to fix that?"  
"Sure, why not."  
So with Zach's help, Kwynten fixed his first machine, a clunky old Hallicrafters SX-28.

Kwynten was 13, and Neal was 14 when Neal pulled his first major con. He had scammed a guy into giving him a whole $40. They would use it wisely on food and drink, since they didn't have to pay the Motel 6 staff anymore. Neal had brought Kywnten in, and made friends with a lot of the staff hanging out in the lobby. When he confessed their situation to them after they practically dragged it out of him -Neal didn't like feeling like there was something wrong- they let him stay in room 101. The last room at the end of the hall. They knew he didn't have the money to pay, so he didn't have to. When the manager, Keith Richards found out, they were almost kicked out and fined a lot of money. But with the staff on their side, they managed to find a hesitant treaty consisting of, 'you let us stay, and we'll stay out of your way. We'll pay for food, and we won't take anything from the breakfast bar.'  
It was an arrangement that worked in both their favours, because when clients would come and they would see the two well behaved boys, they assumed they were Keith's and the Motel got a better reputation for being polite and well-equipped to deal with children, and Neal and Kwyn got to meet new people and hang out around society more often.  
The scams started becoming bigger, like stealing small pieces of art off the street and selling them for reasonable prices, not the incredibly high stuff they make you pay for a purple square. In his free time, they hung out at Drink 'n Smash. It was an odd name for a run-down bar, but the first time they walked in, the nearly got kicked out until Neal managed to smooth talk his way into letting them stay. They wouldn't be offered any alcohol, and Kwyn was alright with that. It smelled something awful anyway. They met the manager, Roy, who was cherry faced and a little big in the tummy, but Kwyn liked the man. He gave them free sandwiches. It was there that one of the regulars Thomas, had taught Neal and Kwynten respectively to shark pool. He also taught Neal how to play card games and win money, but the only one Kwyn seemed to be good at was scrabble.

When Kwyn was 15 and Neal was 16, Neal pulled off his first heist. He had the help of Mozzie, a boy who had tailed him last year after scamming someone, and Kate, one of Mozzie's accomplices. Kwyn spent a lot of afternoons at Zach's working with old tech, and creating random wind-up toys for his own amusement, worrying about Neal in the back of his head.  
The three of them were after a small Anubis statue, worth about $1000 to a museum. Imagine what we could do with 333 dollars, Neal had persuaded, because they were splitting it three ways. In the middle of the week, two days before Neal got back, Zach offered Kwyn a job working with him.  
"I don't have anyone else to work with, and I've got a constant backlog of machines to fix."  
Kwynten took the job. He already came here on an unofficial work basis anyway, so the only difference was now he was doing it for $4.25 an hour. He made little model helicopters when he was on break. He made a bunch of other things too, and Zach would always comment on how handy he was with a screwdriver and some scrap metal.  
When Neal got back, they didn't really know what to do with $333, so Neal bought a hat, and Kwynten bought books. Science fiction, mostly. The hard science kicked his brain to think, and it was something Kwyn enjoyed. They leveled the rest on food.  
Neal, Kate and Mozzie continued to pull off heists, all small scale like the anubis statue, until Kwyn turned 19 and Neal was 20.

With accumulated money, they had bought a small apartment. The money Neal was getting and the wage that Kwyn was keeping, they had enough to have enough food and actually keep the place. It was a one in a million and for the not top-par life they had, Kwyn liked it. It was theirs and not anyone elses. One day at Zach's, someone brought in a laptop. Kwyn had only seen them in pictures on the television. His mouth dropped so low, Zach threatened to shove an entire hotdog into his mouth if he didn't stop gaping. The client put it on the counter and Kwyn had to physically hold himself back instead of running his hands over the shiny surface.  
"This needs repairing. Not sure what's wrong with it, but if you can fix it, it would be better than having to get a new one."  
"We'll have it to you by tomorrow, sir." Kywnten answered automatically. Zach's eyebrows rose to his hairline, "We've got a laptop here, and you want to give it back by tomorrow?"  
"Well, it is our usual policy. And we can look over it in the night, and fix it in the morning."  
"That's alright," Zach shook his head, "you take this one. It's too new for me, I stick to fixing radios and televisions for a reason. But go, have fun. Take it all apart and put it back together again if you like." Zach grinned at him, and that's exactly what Kwyn did.  
The next morning, when the man came for the laptop, the top was gleaming with a polish, and Kwyn handed it back to him.  
"It should work better than ever, sir. Thanks for coming to Zach's Electronic Repair."  
"Good work, thank you."  
"Yessir." He gave a nod, and the gentleman walked out the door again. He felt a twinge of sadness at the prospect of letting a laptop go, but his criminal activity was strictly pickpocketing. Anything else was Neal's job. It was what they were good at.  
Speak of the devil, Neal rung the bell chime on the door and Kwyn looked up from his diagrams that he had sketched of the computer. Now he had an idea of how it worked, Kwyn could get Zach's help and they could try and build their own now, instead of going to pay a heck lot of money for one that would break down faster anyway. Kwyn ran around the counter and wrapped his brother in his arms, which he did every time Neal returned from a heist. He didn't know if it would be the last time he would ever get to do that.  
_It's a dangerous world out there._ The words echoed in his head and they came back to him every time Neal returned alive, if a little bruised up.

The man with the laptop returned a week later, without any electronics this time, and Kwyn felt scared for half a second before he saw the man grinning at him. He had told Neal about the man with the laptop, and the only thing Neal had said is that it would have been worth a lot of money, but he was proud of Kwyn for figuring it out so quickly. He thought maybe Neal had gone a step too far and stolen from the client, but it seemed that was not the case. The man asked if he could borrow the boy who fixed his laptop for a moment outside, and he looked at Zach for permission, and Zach was already waving him off. The man's wispy white hair caught in the breeze outside, and Kwyn tried to avoid looking at it. The man offered his hand, and Kwyn was too polite not to shake it.  
"Hello, my name is Geoffrey Boothroyd."  
"Kwynten."  
"Well Kwynten, I work for MI6, and I would like to offer you a position." Kwyn froze. He was being offered a job. He was being offered a job with _M-I-bloody-6._  
"And that would consist of..?"  
"You come back to England with me, we give you and a person of choice a flat to live in, and you come work for us in Q-branch. We make new, innovative tech to outfit our agents."  
Kwyn couldn't see a downside. He got to do everything he wanted, and he would get an apartment. Not many jobs offered that. Well, maybe the president, but he wasn't sure Bill Clinton made spy equipment.  
"I would love to, I really would, but I have to talk it over with my brother first."  
Boothroyd nodded, "I'll meet you here back tomorrow morning and you can give me your answer then? The plane leaves in the afternoon."  
Kwynten nodded, thanked Boothroyd, and the two split ways.  
"What was that about?" Zach looked puzzled.  
Kwynten couldn't retrain his grin, "I just got offered a job in the tech department at MI6." Zach's grin was just as big, and the two hugged, and Zach congratulated him on a job bloody-well done.  
The decision wasn't so OK with Neal. He was extremely proud of his brother, and he got to do what he loved, but Neal didn't want to go. He had a life here, even if it was criminal, and he had Kate and Mozzie, and he had just started building a name for himself, and he would love to, he really would but he had to stay. Kwyn understood, he really did, but it didn't help the elephant that was sitting on his chest. It would be the first time he and Neal would be out of the same state, never mind the same country. But the next day, bright and early, Kwyn packed his few belongings and they both went out the door. Kwyn kept his key in his pocket, despite not needing it anymore. They walked down to Zach's shop, where they spent the next half hour, not working, but just laughing and having fun and doing what friends do.  
Neal was the one who saw Boothroyd outside, "Is that him?"  
Conversation halted and Kwyn felt a lump rise in his throat, "Yeah, that's 'im."  
There was a lot of hugging, but no goodbyes. All three of them hated goodbyes and it knew it wouldn't be the last time they saw each other." Neal stayed with Zach in the shop as they saw their little brother wave, then continue down the street to the new life that awaited him.


End file.
